Missed you today...

So today in class...

I am taking attendance and notice that Damien- yes, another story about Damien- is absent. As I put in my attendance on the network I see he was present in periods 1-4, went to lunch period 5, but now is suddenly absent for period 6. It does not take a genius to figure out what is happening here!

Good, my class is better when this student is not present and talking while I am talking, making animal noises, walking around the room, drawing on his face. I can have a civilized class today.

Flash forward to after school. I receive an email from another teacher that Damien is in her room in detention and making animal noises. - I bet you thought I was lying about this!

Interesting, he skipped my class but shows up for detention after school. And, lets think about how another teacher must have written Damien up with a referral since he is in detention. Did he 'moo' in math class, 'baa' in biology...

I enter the detention room and walk past Damien to talk with the teacher. At this point Damien must be thinking to himself, "what is SHE doing in here! Of ALL the teachers to come in here!" Because as this point he has unzipped his backpack and put it over his head.

Oh, now he is playing the 5 year old game "If I don't see you, you don't see me." Ok, I can play this game. It is NOT obvious that someone dressed in all black is sitting in the front row with a big BLACK backpack ON his head! Ok....

I walk past his desk to the door clicking my heels loudly on the ground. I open the door and let it slam shut as I remain standing in the room. Then, I silently tip-toe to the front of his desk.

Oh, this is fun!

Damien slowly emerges from his backpack haven.

"Oh you are here today! I am glad to see you today!" I say as he sinks lower into his chair. I look at the teacher in detention and tell her to expect Damien back tomorrow.

As I walk back to my room I wonder many things:
1. What was the cafeteria serving that was so yummy that Damien chose to get 'seconds' instead of coming to my class?

2. What does detention offer that my class doesn't?

3. How many days until summer vacation?

How about a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T please.

So today in class...

I am giving instructions to my 9th grade Literature class about an upcoming writing assignment. This is a big step in responsibility for them because it is a long term project with a due date in 4 weeks.

I am attempting to teach them time management and explained that if they finished the assignment before the October due date, then they could turn it in for an early grade.

I say all of this but I know wholeheartedly that they will ALL wait until the night before it is due to even start the project!

As I am talking I can see, once again, that Damian (names are changed, but this name change has a very specific connotation) is no paying attention. In fact, he is mumbling to himself, annoying others around him, and picking at his long, freshly painted black fingernails.

I pause for a dramatic moment hoping he will become aware of the silence and look up at me.

Nope.

I do not have the energy to walk over to his seat, so I stop my instructions and I say, "Damian, what did I just say?"

Damian doesn't even bother making eye contact and replies, " I don't know, all you ever say is blah, blah, blah."

Is THIS what my life has come too? I am not asking for a 'yes, sir/ma'am' response. I do not require student to stand in class and answer me directly. I do not expect the 'I had to walk 100 miles in the snow with no shoes' attitude about life.

But, I would like a little common decency! My Goodness.

So many things run through my mind. "All you ever do is waste me time!" "All you ever do is annoy the hell out of me!"

"Damian, step put into the hall (and fall into the pit of hell so I don't ever have to see you again) for now," I calmly reply to show the class this does not bother me or warrant a response.

I step to my desk, write Damian a referral to the office.

I will see him in class same time tomorrow.

A lesson/test in patience

Here we go. To anyone who might have told me at some point in life that I do not have any patience... chew on this.

The bell rings for a late afternoon class and 30+ students meander in the room in search for their seats. I take attendance and am ready to teach the same lesson I have taught multiple times already in the day.
(Side note: for those who are not teachers. Imagine this: You are at your desk and eagerly working on an important and difficult report for your boss. It takes about 50 minutes to complete. Just as you sit back to admire your work, your computer crashes. You now need to re- do the entire report AGAIN.
AND, with just as much enthusiasm as the first time. - ok, now do this 6 times in a row. You might be asking, "why, why would I do that?" Have you come up with the connection yet? Let me break it down for you. The computer crashing is symbolic to a bell ringing. Teachers are Pavlov's dog and we are conditioned to bells. )

Back to class... I ask 30 students to be quiet as I have passed out a paper, and I am explaining the agenda for today's class. 29 students are quiet, but Alex is talking. I say, "Alex, please be quiet." I wait as Alex has now taken another student's paper and has thrown it to the floor. An action which he finds hilarious and is now laughing.

Am I teaching 3rd grade? Breathe. No, this is high school. Ok.

"Alex, pick up Lauren's paper off the floor, and listen to my instructions." At this point Alex wants to tell me about the wind that came into the room (my windowless classroom) and blew the paper off the desk.

Boiling point on a slow rise. I take a long blink of my eyes- perhaps I am hoping when I open them Alex will have disappeared. Nope.

I continue the lesson on our novel and repeat instructions for Alex. In the next 5 minutes of class I have to stop for Alex's antics twice. He has turned in his seat to talk to the boy behind him. And he has gotten out of his seat to walk aimless laps in the classroom. I try classroom management of close proximity and I am standing so close to him, that I dare him to move.

Boiling point has risen up from stomach to neck. Only 30 more minutes of this class. Calm Down. This is no big deal.

After 2 minutes of that, I am able to continue walking around the room to monitor student work. As I am about the start my discussion, I know that I need class control -especially of Alex- so I give explicit instructions to, "raise your hand and tell me..."

This works. Yes, this is working. All students are participating, and following the rule to raise their hand. Yes! Victory! Boiling point on the decline.

Thump! Thump! I look over, and you guessed it...Alex. Alex is raising his hand while simultaneously jumping out of his seat to his feet and repeating this motion over and over.
"Alex, what are you doing?" I demand.
"I am having a 'raising your hand contest'" he states in a matter-of-fact tone. The class erupts into laughter.

Alert! Alert! Boiling point is too high. Red Alert! Red Alert! Something is coming over me...

I snap with sarcasm. "Well, I am having a 'giving out detention contest. And you're winning!" I say with pleasure.

Alex sits still. Hand still raised. The rest of the class 'ooohhhh's and aaahhh's'.

I wait for a few more students to answer questions before politely calling on Alex. After all, he has now learned the proper way to behave, and I must reward his good behavior by acknowledging his newly acquired good manners.

So, moral of the story. Do I have patience? Yes. Is it tested at times? For sure! And, although many will tell me there is no room for sarcasm in the classroom, I say to them...why not? Sometime I have to dish out what is deserved. In some moments that is knowledge and wisdom, at others it is a dose of reality.